The Big Portfolio

For those of us in the midst of counselling accreditation, the word ‘portfolio’ looms large.

For one word with three syllables it encompasses many facets, an accounting of hours, a broad stroke of accumulated experience with literal, albeit invisible, blood, sweat and tears.

Counselling training isn't for the faint heartened and nor should it be. If we are asking clients to trust us with their soul story, we cannot offer them any less. We sit through non-attendance, moments of doubt and sometimes painful self-reflection and when the boat rocks, we grab an oar to steady the waters, through peer support, posts in Counselling Tutor or a chat with fellow counsellors over a cuppa. These moments, challenging though they can be, are the best learning.

For the longest time, my portfolio folder seemed like an unending empty field, and felt, in all honesty, overwhelming. Then I thought of my clients. Those brave souls who sit in front of me talking about what hurts them the most and celebrating the wins, no matter what size, as they take one step at a time towards the life they want and deserve.

Then I began to understand, I'm not any different. I had to show up and take a small step. Going into the bowels of my hall cupboard, I retrieved my portfolio folder, opened it and started again. With the support of my supervisor, I made an appointment with myself on a weekly basis to show up and do a log, watch an online seminar, write a reflection, update my hours, and feel the joy of progress.

As our clients, not only gift us with their time and presence, they can also offer a mirror to an insight we can learn from and imbed within our own practice. Now, thanks to them, the big portfolio is not so scary anymore.

Ambivalence, Supervision & Change by Louise Frame

Choosing to make a change, even with plenty of options doesn’t come easy, the process of change comes with various challenges, exploration and faith, a belief in ourselves that fits uniquely to us, with all the will in the world, counselling/ supervision, motivational interviewing, discussion and other perspectives from others, the decision lies deep within often fraught with doubt, what ifs and discomfort, for only us to debate and then eventually decide to change.

Often for clients the lifestyle change comes after a specific experience, a moment of clarity, an existential crisis, a rock bottom, driving and or forcing a need for change or what can only often be described as a shift, a feeling, a knowing, which begins the process of re-evaluating life, exploring options and ultimately opting to making change happen.

Even when that change has been decided the journey is seldom straight forward, new awareness follows and new perspectives invite themselves in, which can often create even more overwhelm, the importance of slowing down and continuing to reflect, process and ground ourselves would seem like an essential quality to adopt to overcome the tug that wants to remain well within the comfort zone, within the cozy blanket of familiarity and safety.

The ambivalence would appear to come from the uncertainty, the unknown and the fear of what ifs. A human given to feel reassured, safe and certain, protecting us from change, even when in the midst we are still analysing and ruminating on our doubts, navigating unknowingly the cycle of change for which there is no reverse.  

Only when we can own our decision to move on, really embody the change, when the discomfort of not changing overwhelms us more that the thought of change, that moment of clarity and newfound comfort can we move forward. 

My own recent experience of creating change for other personal reasons and driving factors which really challenged my own values and beliefs about making that change, this has undoubtedly made me consider how my clients must feel and how vulnerable even considering change can make us feel. 

Talking in supervision definitely helped, being able to look objectively at the pros and cons, whilst feeling supported and reassured in any decision making was helpful, the safe space without judgement, just like in the counselling room, reflecting back my thoughts helped to process my feelings and gave me new insight into my motivations and reassurance that I am in the driving seat.  The possibilities remain open and endless.  

What's Your Addiction?

For years, food has been my go-to gal. No matter what dip in emotion I experienced a piece of food, usually a chocolate bar was able to restore my equilibrium, until the next time, usually 20 minutes later. 

The funny thing is no matter how much I ate, I never, ever felt full. I’ve had to unpack my relationship with food, and it’s been uncomfortable. In terms of a relationship, it’s been unbalanced. I discovered I wasn’t eating because I was hungry. I was eating because it offered comfort.

My emotional attachment to food impacted on other areas in my life. It felt safe when my cupboards were full. I overspent and had to throw out food. I ate in cafes and restaurants as well as having full kitchen cupboards. Then as the pounds piled on I felt more tired and wore black to hide myself. 

I wonder how much of this we can really relate to and see the similarities in a relationship with substances? Is feeling safe and causing less anxiety so we ensure we have additional supplies to hand in case we don't have enough to get us through the day. Our social lives presenting more appeal as they are in an environment that will make substances easier to access. Consequently, overspending on the substances which usually means going without something else. As well as visiting certain friends more because we know they use substances as well and eventually becoming isolated as the substances completely take over our lives.

Looking at our addictions and the way they can dictate our lives is not easy. Do we think that it does take over our lives or would we be more comfortable saying it's just a normal part of our life? Counselling can offer us an opportunity to examine the relationships we may have begun with any substances in our life and a safe space to explore this at a deeper level. 

I wonder when we use the word ‘addiction’ what image does it conjure up? I am sure that for every one of us this may be different raising lots of different questions. Addiction versus dependency - Do we see these as completely different, does one of them feel easier to say, do we think one is much more acceptable in society? Is it that we feel there is much more stigma attached to the word Addiction? Do we feel one of them is much more in our control than the other? 

No matter where you are in the process of change or the cycle of change, we refer to at FASS. You can be assured a warm welcome, understanding and a non-judgemental approach as you walk through our front door.  Even if you feel you are not in the process of change you may be willing to discuss reducing the risk of harm to yourself. 

And as for me, a few stone down I can say the learning is eternal and an apple and bike ride make me feel a lot better than a chocolate bar. While this sounds like a healthy choice the road to get there is thoughtful and not without courage. Remember every single step towards change can be celebrated. 

These thoughts make me curious about other addictions. I wonder are you reading this on your phone…?

You can find out more about our free services here: https://www.fassaction.org.uk

Dry January

When I think of January, I can’t help feeling guilty.

While December brings warmth and indulgence in the form of Christmas pudding and steak pie. January herald’s resolutions, lots of water and a side dish of seasonal guilt.

For our clients, this month also presents an opportunity in the form of Dry January. A chance for folk to take a step back, increase their self-awareness of their alcohol use and make some positive lifestyle changes.

Change can be scary and sometimes we believe that to make these changes we need make an exceptional 180 without looking back into the reverse mirror. What if instead of aiming for inhuman perfection we celebrated January as a month of trying your best?

After all, the first time you ride a bike without stabilisers did you whizz down the road without falling off. No? Me neither. Whatever changes you wish to make whether it is reduced alcohol consumption or abstinence FASS is here without judgement.

You can find out more about our free services here: FASS | Supporting you one step at a time (fassaction.org.uk) 

You can find out more about Dry January here: Dry January | Alcohol Change UK 

We are here.