Attending

The first time I felt truly heard, I was 39 years old.

It is January 2018 and it's day one of my Counselling Skills course. A year of anticipated weekends and travelling up to Tayside Council on Alcohol to gain my certification. I had worked as an Administrator for Fife Alcohol Support Service (FASS) for years and jumped at the opportunity to explore counselling as a vocation.

I have been up since the birds started singing, so I didn’t get lost on my way to Dundee, studied the notes and I’m nervous as are my fellow students.

Our course facilitators introduced themselves and give us an idea of what to expect. They say it was unlikely all 20 of us would complete the course for various reasons. Progression would be from unit to unit, and it was important to take care of ourselves.

One of our first exercises was called Attending. I did not know what that was. Apart from showing up at a restaurant with friends at a particular time. Discarded to various rooms with another student, we were to listen to each other without speaking for 5 minutes.

Ten minutes later, my perspective had altered. I spoke about myself, my life, my interests and had another persons full attention while they listened to me. Now, I know I have experienced this before, however, this was the first time ever I was fully aware of it. It was extraordinary, with body language, smiling, nodding I had no doubt my fellow student was with me, through the indentation of self-esteem and bravado and eventually when I got comfortable - the silence. The glorious silence.

According to Counselling Tutor, a fantastic learning resource for training counsellors, attending is “the skill of listening and giving your full attention.”

Still to this day, a year and a half into my own counselling practice, I remember this exercise fondly.

Attending, in the traditional sense usually means turning up, and for your first counselling session as a client can be nerve-wracking and takes enormous courage and if I can offer a safe space and most of all silence to let another share their story it is an honour and a privilege.

Before I started Counselling Skills training, I was aware of what I may have to give to progress myself and my studies. I did not anticipate the gifts I would receive. Attending is one of those gifts, which for many of us is completely missed unless like me we are lucky enough to appreciate the value of it.

Welcome to Holding the Space.